Raising a child who struggles with anxiety can feel overwhelming. You want to protect them from their worries, but you also know that resilience comes from facing challenges, not avoiding them. Anxiety often shows up as excessive worry, avoidance, rigidity, control or difficulty regulating emotions, and it can impact a child’s relationships, school performance, and overall confidence. The good news? With the right tools, you can help your child navigate their anxiety and develop lifelong skills for managing uncertainty.
As therapists offering child therapy in Marin, we’ve worked with many families to address anxiety with a combination of somatic tools, regulation strategies, and parts work. Here are some practical ways to support your child.
Understanding Anxiety: What’s Happening and Why
Anxiety is a natural response to perceived danger, but for some children, the brain’s “alarm system” (primarily the amygdala) gets stuck in overdrive. This can make ordinary situations feel threatening and lead to a cycle of worry and avoidance.
At the same time, anxiety often shows up as internal “parts” trying to protect the child. For example, a “Worrier” part might constantly remind them of what could go wrong, while an “Avoider” part pushes them to stay away from anything uncomfortable. These parts aren’t bad—they’re just trying to help in their own way. The key is teaching children to understand and work with these parts instead of being controlled by them. The key as parents is not JOINING these parts in the great avoid, exacerbating the amygdala and body cycle.
Tools for Supporting an Anxious Child
1. Help Your Child Externalize Their Anxiety
One of the most powerful strategies is to help your child see their anxiety as something outside of themselves, rather than a defining trait.
Try This: Ask your child to name their anxious part—maybe it’s “The Worry Monster” or “The Alarm Bell.” When anxiety shows up, you can say, “Sounds like your Worry Monster is talking. What’s it trying to tell us?”
Why It Helps: Externalizing anxiety makes it feel less overwhelming and gives your child a chance to develop a new relationship with it.
2. Teach Them to Talk to Their Parts
Using language inspired by parts work (like Internal Family Systems) can help your child approach their anxiety with curiosity instead of fear.
Try This: When your child feels anxious, say, “Oh my goodness, Worry Part is making a big storm, isn’t it!? What is it saying will happen?” Encourage them to respond with kindness, not judgment.
Why It Helps: This creates space for self-awareness and teaches your child that anxiety is just one part of their experience—not the whole story.
3. Shift from Reassurance to Empowerment
It’s natural to want to reassure your child, but constant reassurance can send the message that they can’t handle uncertainty without your help and you become part of the cycle. IE My nervous system can only relax when I have a long talk with Mom about (fill in the blank). The body believes the threat is still real and that it was only avoided by the parental reassurance vs sometimes worry makes a big party, it’s uncomfortable but I can tolerate uncertainty.
Try This: Instead of saying, “Oh it sounds like your worry part wants reassurance. We know that makes worry bigger and not smaller. Let’s use a tool to help your body remember it’s safe even when things are uncertain.”
Why It Helps: Empowering your child to tolerate discomfort helps them build confidence and resilience. Over time, when the nervous system learns to tolerate the feeling of threat, the body builds more tolerance for a worry thought arising, triggering the amygdala, and seeing that the threat is not as big as it used to feel.
4. Encourage Brave Steps, Not Avoidance
Anxiety feeds on avoidance. Each time a child avoids something scary, their brain learns that avoiding was the “safe” choice. Facing fears in small, manageable steps rewires this pattern.
Try This: If your child is afraid of speaking in class, start with practicing at home, then try raising their hand for a small question.
Why It Helps: Gradual exposure builds tolerance for discomfort and reduces the power of avoidance.
5. Use Somatic Tools to Ground and Regulate
Anxiety isn’t just in the mind—it lives in the body. Teaching your child to notice and calm their physical sensations can help them feel more in control.
Try This: Practice belly breathing together, or guide them to press their feet into the ground while saying, “Feel your strong, steady feet.”
Why It Helps: Somatic tools calm the nervous system and help anxious parts feel supported.
Common Pitfalls Parents Fall Into
Even the most well-meaning strategies can backfire when it comes to anxiety. Here are a few common mistakes to avoid:
Over-Accommodating Fears
It’s tempting to protect your child from everything that makes them anxious, but too much accommodation reinforces the idea that they can’t handle challenges and actually exacerbates anxiety.
Trying to Fix or Eliminate Anxiety
Anxiety isn’t something to get rid of—it’s something to manage. The goal is to teach your child that they can live a full, joyful life even with some worry.
Avoiding the Topic of Anxiety
Pretending anxiety isn’t there doesn’t make it go away. Open, curious conversations help normalize their experience and reduce shame.
Modeling Anxious Behavior
Children learn a lot by watching their parents. If you tend to avoid uncertainty or get stuck in worry, your child may pick up those patterns. Working on your own regulation skills and awareness of your own worry can allow you to model pushing back on worry!
When to Seek Support
Sometimes, anxiety is too much for a child—or a parent—to handle alone. If your child’s worries are interfering with school, friendships, or family life, professional support can help.
In our practice, we specialize in helping children and families manage anxiety using somatic tools, parts work, and playful interventions that build resilience and self-confidence. We serve children and families in person in Marin and state wide in CA via telehealth.
You Don’t Have to Do This Alone
Parenting an anxious child can be hard, but you don’t have to face it alone. By supporting your child with curiosity, compassion, and effective tools, you can help them develop the skills they need to navigate life’s challenges.
If you’re ready to explore how therapy can help your child, contact us today. Our services offer a compassionate, evidence-based approach to fostering resilience and emotional health.
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