The Quiet Art of Witnessing: How Awareness of Regulation Cycles Can Unlock Self and Relational Connection

One of the most subtle—and most powerful—shifts I see in clients engaged in therapy is the moment they begin to witness. Really witness. Not with analysis, not with a need to figure anything out. Just the quiet, curious kind of witnessing that brings the nervous system into presence.

In somatic work, we talk a lot about regulation. But regulation isn’t a fixed state we arrive at—it’s a moving, living cycle. We expand, we contract. We mobilize, we settle. The more we learn to recognize these cycles in ourselves, the more choice we have in how we respond to the world around us.

When clients work with horses and begin to notice these cycles—not just in themselves, but in the herd—something deep starts to shift.

Why Awareness Changes Everything

Many clients who are drawn to horses want to be physically close. They often approach with an instinct to pet the horse like a friendly golden retriever. This rarely goes well. The horse pushes into them, pulls away, or shuts down. Clients, if they notice the disconnect at all, then create a story about the horse’s response—often without any awareness of what was happening in their own body, or what was going on for the horse.

But when a client slows down enough to simply watch a horse—witnessing where the horse is focused, how that focus shifts, the tension or ease that corresponds with it, how they orient, brace, and return to calm—they will notice that the patterns cycle and they can often also begin to see those same patterns in themselves.

We all have emotional cycles—sensations that stir thoughts, which generate stories, meaning, and often, blame. If our relational wiring is disrupted, that blame may go outward toward others, disconnecting us, or inward toward ourselves, lowering our sense of worth.

But the horse isn’t judging. They aren’t telling a story. They respond from instinct, memory, and a desire for comfort and safety.

Once a client can truly see the horse’s nervous system for what it is—when they witness horses's unique and rhythmic cycle and realize that when and how we interact makes a difference—the horse responds differently. The depth of connection that arises when the horse feels seen is the reward. That is the moment the real magic begins.

This shift in relational depth opens something in the client. It reveals how we, too, are often unconsciously bumbling through relational connection—guided not by presence, but by the echoes of how we were once held, supported, or left alone.

When clients begin to play in that feedback loop, they start to understand their own nervous system in a more embodied way.

Bringing It Off the Ranch

What clients experience in the field doesn’t stay there. Once they’ve felt the difference between unconscious interaction and a genuine moment of readiness, they begin to carry that awareness into daily life.

They pause before reacting. They notice when their body tenses—and what it might need to soften. They begin to recognize dysregulation not just as a state, but as a cycle they can track. And most importantly, they begin to trust that return is possible.

Just as they witness the horse’s window of tolerance expand through attuned interaction, they start to believe that their own capacity—for stress, emotion, sadness, connection—can also grow.

The Invitation

In recent years, there’s been a beautiful movement in the equine world toward connection. While I find this soulful and deeply heartening, I believe it ultimately invites us into something more: a deeper connection with ourselves.

We cannot be truly attuned to another if we are dysregulated. We cannot fake a boundary with a horse—they know. They are the masters of embodied language. They can teach us where we have lost ourselves if we are willing to slow and listen.

Yes, we seek connection with the horse. But perhaps, even more so, we are seeking reconnection with the exiled parts of ourselves—those younger places that carry our joy, vulnerability, capacity for intimacy, and inner peace.

So I invite you to Witness.

Witness without agenda.

Witness your breath, your impulses, the movement in your body.

Witness the horse, the dog, your favorite human.

And let the timing of your connection come from there.

And each time you return to that rhythm, you’re strengthening your capacity to feel safe, connected, and fully alive.