Supporting Your Grieving Teen: A Somatic Approach to Navigating Loss Together

Grief doesn’t always look the way we expect—especially in teenagers. It doesn’t always come with tears or quiet sadness. More often, it shows up in disguise: a slammed door, a shrug, a sarcastic joke, a long silence. Sometimes it’s anger. Sometimes it’s nothing at all.

But just because your teen isn’t crying or talking about it doesn’t mean they aren’t grieving.

As a parent, this can be so confusing. You want to help, but you don’t know how. You might worry you're saying the wrong thing—or nothing at all. You might be grieving yourself and feel like you don’t have much to give.

The truth is: You don’t need to be perfect. You don’t need to have the right words. You just need to be there—attuned, available, and willing to feel what’s real.

What Grief Looks Like in Teens (Hint: It's Not Always Sadness)

Teen grief often hides behind other behaviors. Developmentally, teens are wired to seek independence, test boundaries, and figure out who they are. Add grief to that mix, and it can be hard to know what’s what.

Here are a few ways grief may show up:

• Irritability, mood swings, or emotional numbness

• Risk-taking or pulling away from family

• A drop in school performance—or overachieving

• Changes in sleep, eating, or body complaints like headaches or stomach pain

• Sudden existential questions or emotional intensity that feels “out of the blue”

From a somatic psychology perspective, grief lives in the body just as much as in the mind. It can feel like a heaviness in the chest, a lump in the throat, a restlessness that won’t settle, or a sense of foggy disconnection. When teens don’t have the words, their bodies often speak for them.

“It Doesn’t Seem Like They’re Grieving…”

One of the hardest parts of parenting a grieving teen is recognizing the grief for what it is—especially when it’s masked by defiance, withdrawal, or indifference. Sometimes the behaviors that frustrate or worry us the most are actually their way of trying to cope.

They may not want to talk. They may pretend it doesn’t matter. But deep down, something has shifted. Grief often needs to be felt before it can be spoken.

And it rarely moves in a straight line.

How You Can Support Them

You don’t have to fix their pain. You can’t. But you can stay close. Here are a few ways to support your teen while staying grounded yourself:

1. Be a steady presence. Even if they don’t want to talk, your quiet availability matters. Sit next to them. Go for a drive. Invite them into small, shared routines. Grief needs company more than commentary.

2. Lead with curiosity, not pressure. Teens may bristle if they feel interrogated. Instead, try open-ended invitations:“Want to take a walk?”“Would you rather talk or just hang out?”“I’m here when you’re ready.”

3. Help them anchor in their body. Grief dysregulates the nervous system. Activities like walking, riding, stretching, or even wrapping up in a blanket can help bring some calm to their body. Gentle rhythmic movement is one of the best ways to settle an overwhelmed system.

4. Support nonverbal expression. Not all grief needs to be talked about. Let them draw, write, play music, create an altar, or just be. These embodied forms of expression are often more accessible than words.

5. Keep rituals simple. Teens may benefit from lighting a candle, listening to a certain song, or creating something in honor of what was lost. Ritual gives shape to grief without demanding explanation.

And Please—Take Care of Yourself, Too

You’re holding a lot. And if you’re grieving too, it can feel like you’re trying to pour from an empty cup. Let yourself rest. Let yourself feel. Let someone else hold you.

Grief asks more of us than we think we can give—and somehow, we keep showing up anyway. But you don’t have to do it alone. Reach out to your own supports. Speak with a therapist. Simplify what you can. Your nervous system sets the tone for your family’s healing. You deserve care, too. There are abundant offerings for free and sliding scale therapy in Marin from the generous community - please reach out if you would like to be connected to a referral appropriate for you or your teen.